If it's Tuesday, it must be Tonawanda

Today was quite the full day. I finally saw an asphalt emulsion mill, I met the man that can destroy Dunkin Donuts, drank a beer at a junkyard, saw a national landmark, got lost twice, and had dinner in the dark.





I rousted out of bed at my usual 5:15 AM (plus one snooze) and prepped myself for the day. The Adams Mark Hotel surprisingly does NOT offer any complementary breakfast - or complementary anything, cheap bastards - so I went down to the Deco restaurant in the lobby for the breakfast buffet. What a tragedy. Thirteen dollars for a buffet of iffy eggs, limp bacon, cardboard-flavored French toast and rusty water coffee. In short, don't stay here.





I then rolled the Magic Bus (every sidekick needs a nickname) up to the slightly northern suburb of Tonawanda and spent the day learning about my new charge, the asphalt emulsion mill from two kings among men, Jeff and Stu. The mill looks like this:


Running the mill is like a combination of gourmet cooking and solving Chinese logic puzzles. So it should be right up my alley.





We took a break mid morning and I ran up the street to a little bakery and coffee shop chain that is expanding into this area from Canada. It's called Tim Horton's, and ladies and gents, that man can slay Dunkin. Unfortunately, Mr. Horton himself died a while back by stuffing a Ford powered Pantera into a bridge pylon on the Queens Expressway at 140 mph. Now, the hockey star's name lives on at every corner where Starbucks fears to tread. The XL coffee was good, the sour cream donut was un-freakin'-believable, and together, the were $2.85!! With a full range of donuts, muffins, bagels, breakfast sandwiches and light lunch faire, they manage to keep prices down to slightly rediculous levels. A sausage biscuit COMBO for $2.99?? What's the exchange rate? Isn't that like one Canadian dollar or something? Unreal...





After work Stu (Stew?) and I went to a bar just up the street. Literally, just up the street. There's a little local bar every 100 feet. I guess when there's 8 ft of snow, you don't want to walk too far to get a beer. The bar this time is Gene's Junkyard Bar & Grill, and yes, there IS a junkyard across the street.

Talk about local flavor. Notice the miniature model A truck on the roof. I had a couple draft Labatt's Blue (Canadian Miller Lite) and shot the breeze with a couple old timers at the bar. The feature item on their menu is a fried Balogna sandwich with onions and provolone cheese with chips and a pickle for $4.50. Bet on it, I'll be back for that.

After work, I drove up to Niagara Falls. It was....smaller than I expected. All the pictures I've seen are from the bottom looking up, and it looks HUGE. The only way you get that view is from Canada, and I don't have a passport. sadly, they just started requiring them for entrance YESTERDAY. No kidding. Don't get me wrong, it was an impresive sight, and that is one hell of a lot of water going over a cliff. I felt the same way about the statue of liberty. Looked bigger on TV.

After the falls I decided to drive south and seek out some evening nourishment. The guys at the mill had recommended several local joints, so with only sketchy directions to go on, based on traveling from an entirely different area, I figured I could probably find the Irish bar that sounded like a good place to eat. After getting lost twice, almost making it back to Niagara and then running a red light, I finally saw one of the other places they had mentioned and settled on it instead. The shot below is NOT that place, but I had to take a picture. Click on it and read the sign. Must be truth in advertising because they were out of business.

This is the place. Swiston's Beef and Keg, if you can't read or are rotationally callenged. The vintage sign and early-70s faux-Spanish building exterior let me know up front that I was in for an experience. The awning over the front door had been made into a tunnel leading to a pair of heavily carved dark wood doors with massive handles. These opend into a small room that was only big enough for the next set of the same doors and that was only partially lit. Opening the doors into the bar, I stopped short. I stopped because it was so dark in the place that I couldn't tell where anything was. The lights were - dimly - on over the bar, so I headed that direction. I had the sense of walking into an unlit cave - I could feel the expanse of space around me, but I damn sure couldn'e see it. At that point I decided the small entry room must be like an air lock for light to ease the transition between the two worlds. I sat at the bar and let my eyes adjust. The interior was done in heavy, heavy faux Spanish, dripping ornamental ironwork, heavy carved wood and paintings of conquistadores. No, they weren't on black velvet. It was red.

Finally adjusting, I could see that there were tables around the perimeter. It was so dark in the corners that vampires could easily have spent the day there if there were no handy coffins at sunrise. The reason it was so dark was because every lamp (including the chained swags) had that textured, amber glass in them that we all fondly recall. I'm pretty sure Starsky, Hutch, and Rockford were meeting in the back room.

I ordered up a Genessee draft beer, light in color, smooth in taste and low in content. It amazes me to hear beer snobs put down Budweiser while praising the likes of Genesee, Stella Artois and such. They're much the same - good thirst quenchers when cold, with minor varying tste signatures. For food, there are few options. Like the sign says, beef and keg. I started with the Beef on Weck. It arrived quickly on a small plate with....nothing. No fries, no chips - not even the broth dip that I thought was mandatory. There was something that I think was a pickle spear, but it was too dark in there to be certain, so I didn't risk it. The sandwich was good, displaying more rye character in the Weck roll than I had before, but with the same salt crust. I quite enjoyed it, although it would have benefitted from a side car of au jus. Wrapping that up in short order, I asked what else a wayward traveller might procure to fill the empty belly. They apparantly serve two things besides Beef-on-Weck. Chili and popcorn. The popcorn sits out in baskets on the bar, so I chose chili. I was really pleasantly surprised with the very savory, meaty chili. It was more like the chili my mother taught me to make than any other I've had. Thick, with lots of beef, onions and kidney beans in savory, not too tomatoey stock. It had a nice black pepper kick that separated it from our family tradition, but was otherwise quite similar. As anyone who's had our chili can tell you, that's high praise. I washed down the fair-sized bowl with a second Genessee and struck up a conversation with a couple elderly patrons steadily sipping cocktails several stools down. Total damage for 2 beers, beef-on-weck and chili - $14

Swiston's is one of those throwback places that are a real treat. It's dark (real dark) and funky, but good prices, good food and friendly people make it a great place to be go. If you have nightvision goggles, anyway. It very much reminded me of the Kuntry Kastle in Paducah - a hold over from decades past that is too good to let go.